Still alive. And well. Frustrated, fascinated.

By the way I've been reading the terms of the film submission policy and I've got to say, I think it's great. If only the rest of the WHOLE WEBSITE had half those quality requirements...

Still, I created a video. For a class. But I didn't want to create something just to pass, and that's it. I wanted to create something meaningful to me. Well, may not be truly meaningful, but at least I'm not ashamed of it. Watch it here:

[link]

It's just a videoclip. I wish I had done something else, but hey, for it beign the first (serious) video thingy I ever create, it isn't as horrible as it could have been. (At the beggining of this class year we made a frame by frame recreation of a 1 min piece of a movie, and mine was quite, well... horrible. Seriously, some day I'll upload it for laughs)

I made so many huge mistakes when filling my registration for my second year in university that I don't know what I'll be able to study this year.

I am useless. I can't do things right. I'm not intelligent or active enough to join the rythm of regular adult people's life.

I'll probably end up working on a art-unrelated job. A simple one, and probably bad paid too, since I don't have any other non-art related qualification. And that's how probably my life will be. Because I'm stupid.

And I hate that.

Edit:

I'm feeling fine now. I just felt so... overwhelmed by everything. And I expected a scolding from my mother and my sister. They have supported me a lot in situations like this, but also get over-worried like I do, and therefore get mad at me, making me feel worst. I was very afraid of that.

But it didn't happen. Apparently my sister had the same problems, and everything was allright. I just was... convinced of the fact that everything was definite, and that nothing could be done about it. Tomorrow I'll try to go and get it fixed.

Sometimes I feel the art world is too unstable for me. It's just a temporary feeling.

Thanks for caring about me

You may or may not have noticed that lately I've been gradually more and more active here. I've comented, I've faved stuff, and posted a couple of things. Well, I guess I'm back to action (i don't think this idiom makes much sense in english, but you get what I mean) , but, as you may conclude from my writings in previous journals and deviation descriptions, it won' be the same.

No, no more reflecting floors. No more fancy dresses or animal headed people. It was fun to make, and even though I say "no more" I may make them by requet, or for selling. But my personal work won't be as random as it was before. I feel like hiding my whole gallery, but it wouldn' be fair.

I just want people to understand, that when they enter my gallery and watch all those works, they aren't seeing works made by me. I've changed a lot in a very short time. And that's all.

I've nearly finished the first year. I'm loking forward to the second, but I'm a bit nervous about the subjects I'm going to choose, and the "oh god, what will I do if they are all taken?" stress.

My plans for the summer? They include drawing, painting, photographying and photomanipulating stuff. I'd also like to watch old science fiction movies. I've only watched "the day the earth stood still" so far. I don't know, they seem to have something special. Today's science fiction movies are way too different, and I think lots of stuff can be learnt from old movies. Even B series. With all those cardboard robots, and bright spandex clothes.

Now that I mention robots... Yeah, you know, if you've seen my gallery lately. My drawing book has them too, a drawing here or there... As I said in the deviation "robohug"*, I would like to develop new ways to draw articulations, and specially heads and faces.

I still haven't drawn Daft Punk. Unbelievable, I know. I love them so much! I love their music, I absolutely adore their film "Electroma", and I'm mad about the robot costumes.

I really don't understand why I haven't tried drawing their helmets. Maybe because every time I look at the pictures, I stare. I contemplate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*I like this work a lot. I may print it and hang it in my room.

I don't understand why people haven't commented it yet. Does it look that wrong? Doesn't the filter work right? What the hell is wrong with it? I want to know! Seriously, 129 views, 11 favorites and no comments. WTF?

Colour I: 8
Form I: 6
Technologic image: 7
Drawing and representation systems: 7
Art History: 10 (plus distinction)

I'm buying a scanner. I know I won't be able to work on photoshop like I've been doing until now, so I won't try hard to recover it. Because I'm learning how to draw people, and that's motivating me.

And I hope that, with the scanner, I can attempt colouring in photoshop, because right now I have nothing I can try to colour.

Is it me, or does the "optimist" emoticon look like he's giving the fingers? I mean, not the thumbs. It would be 1000 times cooler if it was.

Lately I've been watching my old works, but more important, my unfinished works. Some of them are not as horrible as I thought they were, or maybe I didn't finish them because I was tired of them. So expect some old new works updated "soon".

But "Viewpoint". Well...

First of all: how in hell was it a daily deviation? Back when I made that work, I was blind: the screen was dark and I couldn't see, for example, that the floor wasn't covered completely, or that the girl looked horrible. A lot of time later, I had the oportunity to se that work again with it's real colours, and even though I felt a bit disapointed, I had already some kind of (how do you say "cariño" in english?) for that work. It has become quite important for me, and that's why I'm remaking it.

Second: Where the hell is the original .psd file???? I keep ALL my .psd files next to the .jpg versions, so why is this one missing? A work with maybe more sentimental value than any other, so if it's so important, what the hell did I do with it? Did I delete it? I have no memory of that. What the hell happened?

So, as I said, I will try and remake it. Maybe even making a drawing, who knows. Oh, I forgot to tell something very important: I'm developing some little talent for drawing cities. That's it, my beloved futuristic cities or whatever. Of course, I can't draw them on photoshop, I haven't tried drawing them in a sheet of paper bigger than A5, and I haven't coloured a single one yet.

I will upload scans of my art notebook soon (a notebook I had to start working on by request of a teacher, but in the end is our personal work and not something to do for the subject. I think it's a good idea, and it's helping me a lot)

Well, see you.